Notes from the Underground Volume 1 Number 4 - I need a job.
Hey ya'll -
Sorry it's been a while, but you know how things can be. One minute life's kind of going along as planned and the next minute you're sleeping on at the mission. Actually I only had to sleep there a couple of nights until my friend Tree graciously offered me his floor (his couch caught on fire last year), so I've been crashing at his place for a while. As sweet a deal as this may seem, it can't last forever; Tree's girlfriend Willow is getting out of prison in a month - trumped up overthrow-the-government-terrorist-activity charges - so I think they're going to want to spend some alone time. Don't need a weather vane to tell me which way the wind blows. Plus, the cats and I are ready to get our own apartment again. In order to do that, I really need to get a job first. So I was thinkin', if anyone knows of any job (or perhaps you're an entrepreneurial-type who wants a young go-getter like Pete on the payroll?) let me know. Anyway, here's the ol' résumé:
Professional Objective: I guess I'd like a job where I get paid enough for rent and stuff, plus a flexible schedule in case I need to lay low for a while. Also I work best in an environment where wearing shoes is optional. Let me know if this is a problem.
Qualifications: I've had over 50 jobs in my lifetime, so I've got a lot of experience. I've done everything from wax bowling alley floors to assistant manage the quality-control department at Des Moines' second largest paperclip factory. I'm very good at photocopying, and I'm often close to being on time.
Education: I went to this elementary school in Waukegan, Illinois, but for some reason the name escapes me. I think it was red brick, with a playground to the side. Hillcrest? Hillview? Something like that. Anyway, I went there and I seem to remember being a hall monitor. Maybe I was just sitting in a chair in the hall. After that I went to Waukegan High School. I think I was on the yearbook staff there, or maybe it was the art club. I don't remember. I dropped out to tour with the Dead when I was 17. I got the rest of my education on the road, if you know what I mean. I took a class on acupressure once, but that was a long time ago and I don't know if the teacher was, like, a professional or anything.
Interests: Animal rights, anarchist thought, deep ecology and vintage Zeppelin. I'm also very interested in a woman who lived in a tree, but I guess that doesn't necessarily mean much. I like coffee a lot, but I don't know if that'd qualify as an interest.
References: Okay, here's the deal: If you're interested in hiring me or whatever, just e-mail so I can let my references know you'll be contacting them. I have a lot of wise-ass friends who I use as references, and they might think it's all a joke and start giving you bogus answers otherwise. It's happened before so I'm a little cautious.
Special Achievements: Like I said, I think I was hall monitor for a while, and I was in a Christmas pageant as one of the three wise men. When I was touring with the Dead, for a while it was my job to make sure that Jerry didn't run out of guitar picks. And I've never been convicted of a felony.
Work Experience: As I said, I've had over 50 jobs, so, yes I've had a lot of experience. Dates and locations are not my forte, I'm sorry. Chances are likely that if you mention a particular job, I've got some experience in it, or something close to it.
Anyway, that's about it. I'm a pretty cool guy, and I'm usually in a pretty good mood. If you want me to wear shoes, I will. No big deal. What do you think? Is Crazy Pete the man for you? Let me ASAP, 'cause Willow is getting out of Leavenworth any day now. Okay? Cool.