Notes from the Underground Volume 1 Number 8 - I had the strangest dream Hi, y'all. I was going to give a presentation today on 'How I spent my Summer Vacation', but I thought I'd tell y'all about a dream I had instead, because I really don't want to talk about a nagging foot fungus picked up in a bus station sink (I think) and snagging a date with the pulchritudinous Julia Butterfly Hill (okay, it wasn't actually Butterfly but a close look-alike and it wasn't an actual 'date' because I just said hello to her in a grocery store checkout line, but she kinda smiled at me - which is as close as I've gotten to a date in quite some time - until I said, "You know, you look like this woman I'm madly in love with who lived in a tree for two years" which made her look really scared and hurry out). Oh well. I really shouldn't have a girlfriend 'til I get rid of this foot fungus anyway, so it's all for the best. Okay, so the dream... So it starts out when a big chunk of my ceiling fell off and almost hit me while I was watching Mystery Science Theater reruns. It goes crashing against the floor and sends the cats into a major tizzy and my neighbor downstairs starts hitting his ceiling with a broom because he thinks I'm making all this noise, which causes the clock to fall of my wall and another big-ass chunk to fall off my ceiling, and more broom and more ceiling. Man. So the dream hasn't started yet, but I was in a really grouchy mood 'cause now I suppose I gotta call the superintendent and that means that I gotta find some way to hide the chickens living in my bathroom (long story). Anyway, so I finally go to sleep after I realize that rubber cement probably won't do the trick, which is fine anyway 'cause I can't open the jar due to the crud that dried and caked on the lid. So I go to bed. (Yes, I brushed my teeth first in case you're reading this, ma and dad.) Okay, so now I'm dreaming. The first thing I remember, I was in some weird, floaty world where my feet wouldn't touch the ground, but they weren't really feet anyway, they were more like flippers. I think. Maybe they were fins. Anyway, I was in some weird yellow room that I think started out as my ma's kitchen, but then became just a regular yellow room. So I like floated over to this cabinet, which had something I wanted in it, but I don't remember what it was now. I kept pulling on it, except it was locked and I found a key in my pocket, but it was a bike lock key so I knew that it wasn't right. Anyway, I'm trying to figure out how in the hell I'm supposed to open the cabinet when it starts knocking from the inside! Whoa! Then there's like this loud crash and I realize that, you know, the yellow room is actually a submarine and it's being torpedoed. And I don't have any windows in the room, so I don't know what the hell is going on. It makes sense that I'd be underwater, though, 'cause remember I was floating everywhere. So whatever. I go back to concentrating on opening the cabinet, and the knocking inside is getting louder, and the crashes against the room - the topedoes - getting are louder and faster. It totally sucked. Okay, but this is where it gets freaky: I start to hear a voice talking to me from inside the cabinet! You know, like from Edgar Allen Poe or something. Except I'm in a submarine with flippers. At first the voice sounds kinda far away, and then it gets more clear. Anyway, it keeps going on and on and I'm totally freaking out trying to understand what's going on until the voice goes: "Wake up, you damn hippie freak! What the hell happened to your ceiling?!?" Yeah, so I woke up, and standing next to my bed (no, it wasn't Butterfly) was the building superintendant, standing there looking all pissed off and rattling his big ol' chain of keys. "I was knocking and knocking and you didn't answer so I had to open the door. The guy downstairs was complaining about noise up here. What the hell did you do to the ceiling?!?" So when he was knocking on the door and the neighbor was knocking on his ceiling, a whole bunch more fell down. He was looking at me and the hole like I'd done it intentionally - yeah, like I'd really want a 5-foot wide crater in my ceiling - and I was trying to explain everything when one of the chickens started making noise in the bathroom. Aw, jeez. I tried to tell him - remember, I was in a foggy state because I'd just woken up - that I had one of those bird clocks that, you know, makes sounds every hour, but he totally wasn't buying it. He was all like, "You've got a chicken bird clock in your bathroom???" So he goes over to the bathroom, opens the door, and Goldie and Peep come flying out at him and totally freak him out. I don't know why he was freaked out if he suspected the chickens to begin with, but he was. Whatever. So I don't have a 5-foot wide hole in my ceiling any more because I'm staying on Raven's couch until I can find a new place for me and the chickens. Raven's place is cool and all that, but he's not really keen on the birds, and I really need a place of my own. Okay, so this is the whole point: Does anyone know what my dream was about? What was in the cabinet? What was all that knocking? Where were the voices coming from? Any amateur dreams analysists out there? Anyway, I'd better got going to the feed store, but I just thought I'd get your interpretations. You don't have to get all Freudian on me or anything, just some guesses. Hope ya'll are doin' well, and summer was cool. Don't let t/he Man get you down or nothin'. Catch ya later. Crazy Pete

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