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This was Gwennie's Maiden Letter

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Dear Gwendolyn Good-Deed: An incident happened that's been on my mind lately... I was tabling at for my local animal rights group at a street fair. I'd never met the person I was scheduled to table with, but I looked forward to meeting someone new. Anyway, not even 20 minutes after our time-slot began, she got up to get a drink. No problem. The problem is that she was gone for more than an hour! She left me stranded at a busy table, and when she finally came back she was all smiles and insincere apologies. I just sort of stewed and didn't say anything. Any advice on what I should have said or done? Not Too Pleased in NYC Kind Activist: There are several schools of thought on how to proceed when one has been treated in a discourteous manner. Perhaps the most instinctive and immediately gratifying action to take would be to reciprocate the offensive behavior in the culprit's direction. In the example that you described, if you followed this route, you would have left the table upon your careless colleague's return, serving her, as it were, a taste of her own medicine. Ms. Good-Deed doesn't particularly recommend this course of action; although she certainly understands the impulse to give comeuppance, she finds it intellectually bankrupt to treat rudeness with more rudeness. At the same time, to say or do nothing defeats your opportunity to gracefully give your fellow activist the chance to learn and grow. Children, it's time to gather 'round the fire for a little anecdote... Back in her heady college days at Wellesley, Gwendolyn was full of vim and vigor for her cause, as she is today, although back then she was a bit more capricious about it. She would march, leaflet, lock down, and get thrown in the clink with nary a shrug of her jaunty shoulders. Her academic career also had to be attended to, as did her various social engagements. Needless to say, Ms. Good-Deed was a tad overextended at times. One day, in a scenario not unlike yours, she had committed to tabling in the student union. She also had two exams, a paper to turn in, dogs to walk at the local shelter, plus she was planning a black-tie fundraiser to procure the bail for an incarcerated comrade. She arrived 30 minutes late for her shift at the table, gushing a veritable font of scattered apologies. Katherine, the upper-classman with whom she was tabling, arched an eyebrow at Ms. Good-Deed and said with her perfectly clipped Yankee enunciation, "Gwendolyn, dear, I'm far too busy maintaining our table and keeping track of our donations to listen to you right now. Perhaps you can tell me your story later, when I'm done working." Katherine's point was well taken; Ms. Good-Deed had let her down. Later, as she strolled the verdant grounds of her beloved campus, Ms. Good-Deed made a vow to always follow through with her commitments. If Katherine had yelled, walked away, pouted or seethed, it wouldn't have had nearly as positive an effect as when she subtly addressed Gwendolyn's lapse of consideration. What Ms. Good-Deed would recommend for you, Kind Activist, is that if you are ever confronted with a similar situation again, simply draw a deep breath and say, "It's too bad you were gone, as I was awfully busy. Perhaps if we table together in the future, you can let me know when you will be roaming about, so I can plan for it in advance." With this gentle admonishment, you might be able to help her become a more effective crusader for the animals. If the situation occurs again, be wary of this individual. Perhaps animal rights activism isn't really where her heart is; maybe you can help her make up her mind about what her interests really are by putting her on the mailing list for The Right-Wing Coalition for Reactionary and Bigoted Behavior. That's what Daddy Good-Deed did to his kin when he was displeased with them - did they learn the lesson fast! XOXOX G.G.

This was Gwennie's Maiden Letter

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