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Dear Gwendolyn Good-Deed: Lately I've become aware of growing chemistry between a co-worker and myself. Sure, he's a nice guy, funny, and cute, but he's a conservative Republican! He believes as much in his right-wing ideals as I do in my activist ideology. We sometimes discuss political issues but it never becomes hateful or mean-spirited. He's pro-gun, anti-abortion, Southern Baptist, and omnivorous. He even wants Pat Buchanan as President! And yet I find it too easy to separate him from his ideals. Make me stop this crush on him, or find a way to make it seem not so terrible to like him. Please help me, Gwendolyn!-- A Traitor? Gentle Reader, Bugga, bugga, bisappear, may your attraction disappear! Did it work? For the occasion of crush removal, Ms. Good-Deed dimmed the lights, put a Best of Stevie Nicks CD in the player, lit some sandalwood incense as well as some votive candles, wrapped a pretty scarf around her head and concentrated mightily so the spirit world could intervene. At first, she thought she was breaking through into the ethereal realm - a strange, splashing sound began to surround her as though she were crossing the oceans of time - but then, to her dismay, Ms. Good-Deed discovered that the sound was coming from her dog Matisse as he was lapping up the now-luke warm jasmine tea at her side. As Don Henley, Ms. Nicks' former paramour, would confirm, Ms. Good-Deed is not a Witchy Woman. O' to be without flowing, wavy hair and an enigmatic smile! Perhaps it's best if Ms. Good-Deed leaves the spiritual world to the mystical pop stars and reenters the world she knows best: that of advice giving. So, let the advice flow fast and loose! Alas and alack, we cannot entirely control the attractions we carry for others, as irrational and repugnant as they may seem. Look at Samson and Delilah, Lady and the Tramp, Edith and Archie. Sometimes it is the very differences that make another attractive, but often it's an indescribable quality that defies reason. Be that as it may, Gentle Reader, as an advice columnist, it is Ms. Good-Deed's duty to tell you to run, not walk, from this budding romance and do whatever you can to crush your crush from your mind. Go ahead - imagine him covered head to toe in boils. Exorcise him from your life by penning the self-help best seller, Omnivorous Republican Southern Baptists and the Progressive Vegans Who Used to Lust for Them. Everytime he enters your mind, drag your feet over carpeting and give yourself a little electric shock to foster an unpleasant association with him. Although Ms. Good-Deed doesn't have a crystal ball to look into, she doesn't need one to come up with this premonition: nothing good can come from your union with this gentleman, unless, of course, you consider frustration, annoyance, anger and constant one-upmanship to be good things. There are plenty of nice, funny, and cute vegans to choose from, why date someone with whom you have nothing in common? Sure, Mr. Republican Man could squeak by for a couple of weeks with a liberal application of his particular brand of right-wing charm, but after the first blush of attraction-induced good behavior wears off, what will you be left with? A conservative, pro-gun, anti-abortion, Southern Baptist who eats meat. Will he be as charming when his cigar smoking Pat Buchanan for President club meets in your living room and they order pepperoni pizza? How about when he guts a fish in your kitchen sink? Will you want to kiss him goodnight after his Southern Baptists for Bazookas pig roast fund raiser? Ms. Good-Deed thinks not. For the sake of balance, Ms. Good-Deed must point out that people can change. He might approach you at work one morning in a 'McVegan' shirt and say, "You know, I was wrong about that whole pro-gun/anti-abortion/right-wing/meat-eating nonsense. I’ve got to send a big fat check to the Green Party; do you know the address? No time for that - I’ve got to get me some vegan macrobiotic food in me and fast!" It is possible, though you must accept that you cannot be the vehicle for that change...He must want it on his own for it to be permanent. A far more likely scenario than him changing, though, is the two of you locked in battle, struggling, and insulting, and arguing until you can't stand the sight of each other. Please understand that Ms. Good-Deed does believe that people with different perspectives can make wonderful life-partners. Such a partnership can broaden both of your horizons and make you both more complete, well-rounded individuals. However, you and the object of your affection have fundamental discord, and that's a shaky foundation upon which to build a relationship. Your values are completely in opposition with his, and that can be very difficult to bridge. So join a vegetarian dating service (like veggiedate.com). Take a cold shower. Next full moon, cast an 'unattraction' spell on him (you might have better luck than Ms. Good-Deed). Whatever you do, keep in mind that you can't really change anyone, and for a relationship to be mutually fulfilling, values must be shared. Otherwise, as contemporary talk show parlance goes, kick him to the curb like yesterday's garbage. Except, as a progressive member of society, you recycle. Anyway, you get the picture. Best of luck to you! XOXOX, G.G.D.

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