Dear Gwendolyn Good-Deed,
You must help me! I fell in love with this fantastic, beautiful, smart and funny woman a couple of months ago. With little prompting on my part, she's even decided to become a vegetarian! Well, all was going great until last week: we'd gone grocery shopping and she asked me to put some sorbet in her freezer and, lo and behold, I saw a box of frozen chicken patties in there! Ever since then, I can't look at her in the same way, and it's certainly impacted my desire to kiss her. At the same time, I really have a suspicion that she could be The One. Everything else is perfect. Gwendolyn, what do I do?

Signed,
Reticent Romeo

Gentle activist,
Before we jump to any hasty conclusions, let's first review the evidence: Inside box number one is our sole source of incriminating evidence, frozen chicken patties. Next, let us think of possible explanations: It's possible that she purchased the offending item before she met you, and she just hasn't had a chance to return or dispose of it yet. Perhaps a jealous rival for your affections sneaked into your sweetheart's home and planted the box, as a way of driving a wedge between the two of you. It's also possible that Rebecca joined a frozen-chicken-patty-of-the-month club before you met, and, though she canceled her membership, she was mistakenly sent another box. These are all possibilities, but before you go any farther, Miss Good-Deed recommends that you find a tactful, non-aggressive way of asking Rebecca directly. Saying something along the lines of,

"My darling, light of my life, when I was putting away sorbet the other day, I noticed a box of chicken in your freezer. Did you start eating chicken again?"

Asking her directly is the only way for you to put an end to any speculation. There are essentially two ways for her to answer: Rebecca can say something like, "Oh, that Sally! I'm going to get a restraining order on her tomorrow because she keeps trying to sabotage our relationship!" Another possibility, and the more difficult one, is that Rebecca will answer in the affirmative, saying that yes, indeed, she began eating chicken again. Is that a problem?

Certainly, if her answer falls into the former category, you can kiss and make up without fear of chicken patty cooties being spread to you. However, if her answer is in the second category, you've got to make some decisions.

If she is eating meat again, should she be immediately discarded like last week's Happy Meal toy? Is there not the possibility of change? Perhaps she didn't realize quite how important this issue is for you. Gentle activist, you need to figure out for yourself what you are will to be flexible about, and what you are not.

If, for example, Rebecca says that she didn't realize how difficult it would be for to give up certain foods, are you still willing to see date her, if she promises to try to wean herself off such foods? If she's eating meat, will you be able to accept that quitting the stuff is harder for some people than it is for others? If you accept this, where would you draw the line?

Miss Good-Deed can certainly understand your quandary: a lot of people would like to think that if they were in a situation like the one you're presented with, they would have a simple solution, but it's not that easy. You're torn between two things that are very important to you.

Gwendolyn's advice is this: if Rebecca is eating meat, explain to her why this is such an important issue for you. You might need to sit down and write it out ahead of time to really understand your thoughts and why you feel the way you do. After you've discussed your issues with meat eating, ask about her feelings regarding changing her lifestyle. Is she frightened of change? Does she feel pressured? Is it difficult for her because she doesn't have much cooking experience, recipes or confidence in the nutritional safety of vegetarianism? Be as supportive, patient and helpful as you would be to any friend who was trying going through a lot of changes.

Then again, it could all be because that awful frozen-chicken-patty-of-the-month forgot to cancel her membership. In that case, proceed as normal!

XOXOX
G.G.