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Dear Gwendolyn Good-Deed: As a vegan I feel deeply about the foods I eat; I don't eat animals because I know they suffer and that their parts inside of me can cause multiple deadly diseases. Please, what can I say to the person who says 'I don't get why you wouldn't eat something just because it can cause disease; I think you should eat what you like... I don't care if what I eat gives me cancer'? Should I, as a friend and a vegan, try to persuade them otherwise? One certainly cannot enjoy life and "have fun" by laying down in a hospital bed! Shouldn't everyone care about what they eat? Signed, Gentle Vegan - Oh, how frustrating the life of a thwarted vegan ambassador! It's a radical transformation one goes through when unraveling the twisted, tangled propaganda that brainwashes us into thinking that eating animals and their products is perfectly acceptable and, in fact, necessary for survival. When one finally penetrates the layers of obfuscation and deceit, fully grasping the horrors that animal agriculture perpetrates against gentle creatures, the planet and our health, it's tempting to fairly burst with wanting to inform others. The problem is that most of those you are trying to inform - and reform - are among the brainwashed, and the rest are so frightened of change that they may be as well. Unfortunately the paradigm of transformation and epiphany is so entwined in the collective unconscious with religious fervor, that many might just identify you as being a fanatic and dismiss you right away. Once you've been cast in the role of extremist, you'll need to work at least twice as hard to have your message heard, so it's best to try to avoid that pigeonhole whenever possible. Also inherent in this equation is that if you are viewed as having a passionate dedication to a certain lifestyle or philosophy, you must be hungry for converts. There's not much that makes people retreat faster than the fear of becoming a crusader's object of attention. Perhaps a well-trod trip into Miss Good-Deed's story vault would best illustrate her point? Back in her carefree college years, for a time Ms. Good-Deed was quite enamored of a very charismatic, passionate young vegan gentleman, Percy Pushypants, the third (Alas, Gwendolyn quickly learned that Percy's passion for tofu overpowered any inclination toward romantic ardor, so she let that fish glide back out to sea. Oh well). Back to the story at hand. Percy's well-meaning strategy for getting people to listen to him about veganism was to sit down at the school cafeteria with table of strangers and "spontaneously" strike up an earnest conversation about the various items he found on their trays. People tend to be defensive about issues related to food to begin with, and having Percy actually sit down and start in on them when there was nowhere to hide, in the parlance of the day, really "invaded their space." They felt trapped, annoyed and anxious, and the more Percy talked, the more they searched desperately for an escape route. After trying this for several months without a single positive response, Percy came to Gwendolyn seeking counsel from the budding advice consultant: what was he doing wrong? Gwendolyn thought for a moment, wrapping her faux-pearls around her fingers, then said, "Gee, I'm not sure, Percy. Have you tried listening to what anyone had to say?" His brows furrowed, Percy said, "But you don't understand, Gwendolyn. I'm trying to get them to listen to me." "Of course you are, dear Percy," Gwennie answered gently, "but to get people to listen to you, you can't talk at them. You have to listen to them." "But they never say anything," Percy protested. "That's part of the problem." "Well, you have to engage them then. Ask questions. Be interested in what they have to say. Be genuine. Really listen." A lightbulb went off over Percy's head: he'd made a breakthrough. "Ahhh - I see what you're saying, Gwendolyn," he said slowly. "In order to get people to listen to me, I've got to listen to them!" Gwendolyn smiled indulgently, "Yes, yes, yes. Oh, by the way Percy, there's a jazz band playing Friday night that I've heard was just smashing... Would you -" Percy grabbed his backpack, kissed Gwennie on the cheek and headed out the door, calling over his shoulder, "Wow, Gwen, thanks for your advice! I'm off to spread the vegan message near and wide!" So the point of the story? Percy had some very good information and knowledge to share with others, as do you, gentle vegan, but it won't do a spot of good unless people are willing to hear what you have to say. You owe it to your friends and associates (not to mention the animals) to try to teach them about veganism. Through her years as an advocate, Ms. Good-Deed has learned that the most effective tool of a communicator is not the mouth, but the ears. Listen to what your friends' fears are. Try to identify what is behind those fears so you can understand their resistance better, so you can be a better advocate. By all means, read up on the facts and deepen your knowledge of the issues, but listen to those you're talking to so you can sense how to influence with what you know. It's important to remain flexible and fluid as a vegan advocate, because each person you encounter may be influenced by different things. If someone isn't much concerned about health matters, for example, you've got to be intuitive and sensitive enough to try to be adaptive to that, and find something that has more of an influence. Gentle vegan, don't get frustrated. You're doing good, important work, and you should be commended for your selfless efforts. Keep in mind that even if you don't see a change in your friends immediately, you may have planted a seed that will take fruit in days, weeks, months or years to come. Just remember that you have everything you need to be a skilled communicator: two ears, your intuition, your intelligence, your insights, your empathy, and, as an instrument for all of the above, your mouth. XOXOX,
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