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Dear Gwendolyn Good-Deed: Help me!!! I'm the chairperson of a local animal rights group here in town and I've been having difficulties with some of the members, people who have indicated to me in the past that they want to be more involved with the group. The problem is that when I give certain people tasks to do, it's more time consuming than if I were to do the work myself. One guy always says he'll do work, and then I have to babysit him the whole time to make sure he's done what he said he would. Another person doesn't show up to meetings for weeks on end, then gets upset because she isn't included more. Yet another person feels that any time I try to put some order or focus into our meetings, that I'm being controlling and refuses to cooperate on any level. Between these three people, sometimes I feel more like a nursery school teacher than an activist. I mean, I know these people have good intentions, but I'm beginning to think that maybe I should quit the group and just do activism on my own... What do you think? Any advice would be appreciated. Signed, Gentle Activist - Ms. Good-Deed promises to get an answer to you soon. In fact, she is certain that you can rely on her for it. Maybe next week sometime. Oh, wait. She'll be in Bora Bora. Maybe the week after that. Also, she wanted to relate that she was sorry she didn't respond to your previous seven inquiries, but was that any reason to give up on her? Can you inform her as to your activities from June, 1998 until present? She wants to be included, darn it! And, by the way, if you're going to be so darn power crazed, maybe you should seek counsel elsewhere. Sheesh. All kidding aside, Gentle Activist, Ms. Good-Deed does indeed know from whence you speak. Sometimes, between the personality clashes, fragile egos and unreliability of those around you, the idea of being a solitary activist is very tempting indeed. Perhaps dealing with the various temperaments and shortcomings of those around him was how the Unibomber got the impetus to strike off on his own. It is alluring. First off, on your own, the only person you could disappoint would be yourself. Second, it's unlikely you'll have a personality clash with yourself (although that would be interesting to observe). Third, and perhaps most attractive, you could do what you wanted to, when you wanted to. No having to harangue Peter Procrastinator for the umpteenth time to learn of his progress. No having to update Absent Abigail on long-past activities in which she didn't bother to participate. And no having to assure Prickly Paul that you are not a power lusting Mussolini, merely a hard working activist, trying to be more effective. The idea of throwing off the shackles that have bogged you down -- casting aside the group dynamics, the disappointments, the people who have assigned you the role of permanent scold -- is the mental equivalent to taking a nice warm bath, putting on your fluffiest robe and getting a great night's sleep: It's very comforting. And as tempting as a box of vegan bonbons. However... Though Miss Good-Deed has no doubt that you'd be a passionate and committed solitary activist, she believes in the power of individuals working together toward a common goal. All the great liberators had comrades and co-conspirators to help disseminate the message to the people: Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Susan B. Anthony all had trusted allies working hard alongside them. Our loose-knit group of animal advocates and lifestyle lightning rods need to figure out ways that we can get beyond our petty differences so that we can effect significant cultural change. And, yes, the words challenging, frustrating, annoying and maddening will often apply. But that will make the positive results you will reap so much sweeter in the end. As far as people letting you down consistently, Ms. Good-Deed recommends that you take an assessment of what you see the assets and liabilities with your group in regard to those who are active. Perhaps on a piece of paper - that no one would ever, ever see! - write down what see as a person's strengths and weaknesses from your experience of working with that individual. Do this for yourself as well. It's quite possible that a person who may be trying to solicit donations, for example, might actually be better suited as a volunteer coordinator. Perhaps the person who does outreach for your group is not very socially inclined but very detail-minded. That person might be better at working at research. These people should have committees so that more people are involved and the work is divided up, providing some balance. One thing you could do is ask Peter Procrastinator if he enjoys doing the tasks he's taken on. No matter what his response is, you can say that you thought that perhaps he didn't because he puts it off so much. You can have an open discussion on what sort of things he feels he excels at and you can work toward bringing him closer to what he enjoys doing. Also, be direct about what you expect from those you are working with. No one has forced them to become involved, and they are entitled to your honesty. You also owe it to yourself to be assertive about your needs. Perhaps no one knows that you really want their active participation. Maybe you've taken on so much by yourself that people think you prefer to do things that way. You must be open to whatever criticism those in the group may have to share about your skills as a group leader. It will only make you a more effective activist in the long run to be open to this. So perhaps the thing to do is have a meeting where you lay this all out for the members. Really discuss in an honest but non-confrontational manner all the obstacles to your group's success. Be vulnerable: tell people that you need their thoughts, work and talent. If people really know that they are important to the group, and you set ambitious but achievable expectations, you should find that this will weed out those who truly intend to help, and those who just mostly enjoy going to meetings and socializing. If all else fails, you can always tell offending parties that, like Santa Claus, Gwendolyn Good-Deed always knows who's naughty or nice. XOXOX, G.G.
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