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Dear Gwendolyn Good-Deed, More annoying still, I've heard from more than a few people that they think it's "cruel" of me to "force" my child to be vegan, and they think he or she will be awkward in social situations. I've tried to tell people that if they have constructive and thoughtful suggestions, I'm more than willing to discuss them, but I won't listen to their prejudices. They think I'm being headstrong and unreasonable, of course, and jeopardizing my baby's well-being. It's gotten so that I dread seeing my family, even during this exciting time of my life, which saddens me. My husband and I don't live in a particularly progressive area, so we really feel like we're on our own. Do you have any advice for this momma-to-be? Sincerely, Pregnant in Poughkeepsie Gentle vegan, So if strangers feel they have license to abandon good etiquette and dispense with spools of unsolicited advice, imagine how those close to you feel? Coupled with the fact that you are approaching pregnancy and childrearing in a unconventional manner, you, my dear, are an open target with a big red x-mark on your controversial belly. The "I'm-only-saying-this-for-your-own-good-because-I-love you-but-clearly-you-haven't-any-sense" approach is condescending and invasive, not to mention often just a platform for unfounded superstitions and fears. Now, as long as you aren't imbibing giant swigs of Jack Daniels in between chainsmoked cigarette inhalations and demolition derby competitions, Ms. Good-Deed will assume that you know the basics of gestational care, and are not endangering your fetus. If you are engaging in the above activities, well, then another's concerns are likely warranted. Let's just say, though, that your crime is simply that you are a) pregnant, and b) vegan. Believe it or not, you are within your rights to be both. Yes, even simultaneously. Gentle vegan, let us take a moment to journey back to the golden days of Ms. Good-Deed's youth back in the oh-so charming New England burg of Port Angloview. Faithful readers will remember the dreaded Snobbloods, the insufferably class-conscious neighbors of young Gwendolyn's family, and their pampered miscreant of a son, Chilton. Way back when Gwennie was twelve, she quietly pronounced herself liberated from animal flesh consumption, and set about becoming the hard-core revolutionary she is today. Back in the day, though, she was but a budding flower of an agitator, so she was a bit more timid about expressing her views One fine May day not long after her conversion, she was invited to partake in little Simone Swanky's birthday festivities, to which the wretched Snobblood scion had also been invited. The senior Mrs. Good-Deed called ahead and gracefully informed Mrs. Swanky of her daughter's dietary restrictions, offering (of course!) to supply Gwendolyn's meatless lunch. Mrs. Swanky, at a loss for what would constitute an appropriate meal, accepted Mrs. Good-Deed's offer, and young Gwennie brought a delightful, fresh from the garden, roasted vegetable panini on homemade bread to the party. As she unwrapped her lunch, all the other children were absorbed in their chicken salad sandwiches and coleslaw, but Chilton loathed nonconformity, so his beady little eyes discovered Gwendolyn's infraction like a bloodhound on the trail. Being essentially a coward, he sneered and made a mental note to inform his parent's of Gwennie's alleged faux pas immediately upon returning to Snobblood Manor that afternoon. All this occurred without Gwendolyn's knowledge, but when the school principal called in her parents for an emergency meeting, it was clear that something was afoot. When Mr. and Mrs. Good-Deed arrived, he informed them that he had received an alarming phone call from another parent that Gwendolyn was not receiving adequate nutrition at home. Mr. Good-Deed protested that his daughter was in excellent health, and he had no idea how anyone could have spread such misinformation about her. Mrs. Good-Deed, very indignant about the accusation, huffed that she would like to see proof that her daughter was suffering from malnutrition. The parties agreed to have an impartial medical professional conduct a physical examination of Gwendolyn to satisfy any doubts about her well-being. And the results? Her weight: perfect. Her height: taller than average. No anemia or bone density problems, no abnormalities at all. In fact, she scored in the 95th percentile of children her age in nearly all areas of physical fitness. She was a specimen of vibrant good health health. Certainly, behind the Good-Deed's backs, the Snobblood's repeated their position that their daughter was being allowed to slowly starve to death, but that was difficult to maintain when Gwennie could and would literally run in robust circles around their pasty, pudgy, wheezing son. The point is that while others may question your judgment, you know very well that a vegan diet is not only as healthful as an omnivorous one, but in many cases, it is more healthful. When people question you on protein, iron or the like, make sure that you have your facts straight so as to properly put to rest their concerns. For example, know exactly how much protein a pregnant women is supposed to take in during the day, and what your best sources are. Let us go through a little practice round here. When inquiring minds want to know how on earth you expect to get enough protein for your poor, neglected fetus, which sounds the most knowledgeable and enouraging: a). Um...Yeah. I guess. I think so. b). What freaking business is it of yours?!? c). It's is recommended that a pregnant woman receive 74 grams of protein daily. I consume four servings a day, and can easily meet my protein needs with an assortment of legumes, whole grains, nuts and seeds. Thanks for asking. Gentle vegan, you get the idea. It is best to be well-informed, because not only will that make you not as defensive, but it will expose the flaws in your inquisitor's assumptions. Regarding the people who accuse you of cruelly forcing your beliefs upon your child, Ms. Good-Deed would like to point out that most parents try to raise their children in accordance with their values. Children are raised to uphold the religious, moral and cultural beliefs of their parents all the time. Furthermore, when a child is raised as an omnivore without being offered alternative ways of living, isn't that child "forced" to live a certain way? Is that any less "cruel", especially when the health, ethical and environmental ramifications of a diet based on animal products are well-established? Gentle vegan, you are simply doing what any good parent would: raising your child to be a compassionate, responsible and healthy human being. Certainly, it is important to discuss the different lifestyles that people choose and the effects of those choices, but that does not preclude trying to raise your child in harmony with your values. In fact, as a parent your child looks to you for this kind of guidance As far as your child becoming a social outcast, Ms. Good-Deed recommends crossing that bridge when you come to it, as she has known plenty of children who were raised as vegans in an omnivorous environment who thrived nonetheless. She also recommends raising your child in an open, loving home where critical thinking is encouraged, so that when he or she has questions, they can be asked and discussed in a non-threatening environment. Gentle vegan, Ms. Good-Deed has every confidence that you will raise your child to be a conscious and compassionate member of society without scarring him or her too badly! How said it is when parents trying to influence their children to be responsible and well-informed are the ones thought of as potential abusers. Well, gentle vegan, it is up to you to prove to all the naysayers the wonders of engaged, empowered parenting! Congratulations! XOXOX - G.G.D. |
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