Hey, Kids! Let's Make a Jingle! Consistent with their mission of getting impressionable children addicted to unwholesome and inhumanely produced products, the Oscar Mayer Corp. has announced that they are having an Oscar Mayer Jingle Jam Talent Search contest for kids. Hey kids, want to win a $20,000 college scholarship and family trip to California? Then create some new lyrics for the familiar melody we all grew up humming. Unfortunately, we fall a little outside the four to ten year-old requirements, but this is our submission anyway. Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer soy dog That is what I'd truly like to be For if I were an Oscar Mayer soy dog I'd contain a lot less misery. And just for good measure, here are some more lyrics to an old Oscar Mayer tune: My bologna has a first name, it's E C O L I My bologna has a second name, it's C A R C A S S Oh, I do not eat it any day And if you ask me why I'll say 'cause Oscar Mayer poisons us with B O L O G N A

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